Transcript of "Deep Breath", the first episode of the eighth season of Doctor Who.
(A dinosaur clomps into view and roars. Bells tolls, and as the camera follows the dinosaur we see it clomping towards the Palace of Westminster. It is as tall as the noisy clock tower, which it roars at.
The camera pulls back and then moves down to a few policemen and a large crowd gawking at the dinosaur. One policeman is saying "Go on! out of the way! Move yourselves!" while a woman is screaming. "Coming through! Access! Please, would you..."
There is a general commotion. The dinosaur is pacing along the riverbank; a figure is cutting through the crowd of people the street/boardwalk. One of the police officers looks to her with relief.)
POLICEMAN:
Madame Vastra, thank God...
I'll wager you've not seen anything like this before...
(VASTRA and JENNY look up at the dinosaur.)
VASTRA:
Well... not since I was a little girl.
JENNY:
Big feller, i'n't [isn't] he?
VASTRA (smiling at JENNY):
Dinosaurs were mostly this size.
And I do believe it's a 'she'.
JENNY (smiling back at her):
No they weren't, I've seen fossils.
VASTRA (slightly indignant):
I was there.
POLICEMAN:
Well that's all well and good, but what's this dinosaur fellow doing in the Thames?
VASTRA:
It must have time travelled.
(looking to her companion:) Jenny?
POLICEMAN (looking at VASTRA in confusion, while JENNY puts on a metallic glove and points it at the dinosaur):
Time travelled?
VASTRA (as the dinosaur seems to cough):
Is it choking?
JENNY:
There seems to be some'ing [something] lodged in its throat.
POLICEMAN:
How could it time travel?
VASTRA:
I don't know. Perhaps it was something it ate.
(The dinosaur coughs up a blue box — the TARDIS, which hurtles through the air and onto the riverbank.)
POLICEMAN (making his way over to it, followed by VASTRA and JENNY):
Stand back. Stand back, stand back.
(The POLICEMAN makes his way to where he has a better view of the box that has just been coughed up. He looks, confused, to VASTRA:)
Well, it's just laid an egg.
VASTRA:
It dropped a blue box marked 'police' out of its mouth... your grasp of biology troubles me.
(VASTRA and JENNY and STRAX head over towards a set of stairs down to the riverbank, JENNY whispering to VASTRA.)
JENNY:
It's the TARDIS.
VASTRA:
It would seem so.
JENNY (pleased):
We'll take care of this, Inspector.
POLICEMAN:
But what if that thing goes on the rampage...
VASTRA (to STRAX):
Strax.
(STRAX hands her something, which she gives to the POLICEMAN:)
Place these lanterns on the shoreline and bridges, encircling the creature. Twenty foot intervals.
POLICEMAN:
Well, what will they do?
VASTRA (to the POLICEMAN):
They will emit a signal that will incline it to remain within their circumference.
(to her companions:) Jenny, Strax... with me.
JENNY:
So it's him then, the Doctor?
VASTRA:
A giant dinosaur from the distant past, has just vomited a blue box... from outer space... this is not a day for jumping to conclusions.
(Having made her way down the stairs with her companions, VASTRA asks STRAX to be the one to approach the TARDIS:)
VASTRA:
Strax, if you wouldn't mind...
STRAX (knocking):
Hello?
(politely:) Exit the box and surrender, to the glory of the Sontaran empire.
DOCTOR (briefly opening the door, letting out a cloud of smoke, and poking his head out):
Shush! (He shuts the door again.)
STRAX:
Doctor?
DOCTOR (poking his head out again):
I was being chased by a giant dinosaur, but I *think* I managed to give it the slip...
(The DOCTOR withdraws back into the TARDIS again. STRAX looks to VASTRA and JENNY. After a pause, the DOCTOR opens the door again very slowly and pokes his head out, slowly, intrigued...)
DOCTOR:
Sleepy...?
STRAX:
Sir...?
DOCTOR (walking out of the TARDIS):
Bashful? Sneezy? Dopey?
(The DOCTOR stands over STRAX, reading out the list of Seven Dwarf names, which seems like a not-entirely-inoffensive thing to be doing to a short individual.)
Grumpy!
(The DOCTOR looks up from STRAX, over to VASTRA and JENNY.)
Oh, you two!
(he looks at VASTRA:) The green one and (he looks at JENNY:) the ... not-green one.
Or it could be the other way round... mustn't pre-judge.
(Having walked over to them haltingly, the DOCTOR puts his arm around JENNY and gestures at the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR (sounding tired, demential):
Oh you remember, ah...
(A very frazzled, tired CLARA emerges from the still-smoking TARDIS. The DOCTOR is pointing at her.)
Thingy.
The ah, the not-me one. The asking-questions one.
Names... not my area.
CLARA (too tired to be really angry, but still exasperated):
Clara!
DOCTOR (walking away):
Well, it might be Clara, it might not be. It's a lottery.
CLARA (looking exasperatedly at the ground, leaning against the TARDIS to hold herself up.)
It is Clara!
DOCTOR (to CLARA):
Well I'm not ruling...
(A roar interrupts him. He is annoyed.) Oi, big man, shut it!
(As the roar continues, he finally looks up and sees the dinosaur. He runs back towards the TARDIS.)
Oh! You've got a dinosaur too!
(The dinosaur roars again and the DOCTOR pays closer attention.)
Big woman. Sorry.
(CLARA is making her way over to the DOCTOR while he stares at the dinosaur.)
CLARA:
Doctor, listen to me... you need to calm down.
DOCTOR (to the dinosaur):
I'm not flirting, by the way.
CLARA (backing up, moving back towards JENNY and VASTRA, speaking quickly):
Oh god, I think something's gone wrong...
DOCTOR (slowly processing what has been said and looking over to CLARA, and to VASTRA and JENNY who are behind her and are still simply staring at him):
Wrong? What's gone wrong?
(to CLARA:) Have you regenerated?
(CLARA is alarmed at his dementia, but looks hopeful when he says) I remember you...
You're Handles! (The flicker of relief fades from her face.)
You used to be a little, a little robot head, and now you've ... (he looks her over and becomes alarmed) ... really let yourself go.
(CLARA looks, alarmed, to VASTRA, who is emotionless. The dinosaur roars again.)
DOCTOR (understanding what the roars mean and making his way over to JENNY):
Reduce the frequency.
JENNY:
I'm sorry?
DOCTOR:
Your sonic lanterns, turn them down... you're giving her a headache.
JENNY:
Giving who a headache?
DOCTOR (striding over to the river, looking up at the dinosaur):
My lady friend.
(after a moment:) Just an expression, don't get any ideas.
STRAX:
How do you know?
DOCTOR (to STRAX:)
Come on, Clara! You know that I speak dinosaur.
CLARA:
He's not Clara! I'm Clara!
DOCTOR (considering this briefly and then brushing it off):
Well, you're very similar heights.
Maybe you should wear labels...
(The shadows in the DOCTOR's mind, which were gone when he confidently addressed the dinosaur, have returned. He is looking at them alarm, seeing something that is not there.)
DOCTOR:
Why you, why do you, why are you all doing that, why, you're all going... dark.
Wobbly.
Stop that.
CLARA (walking towards him, concerned, while he backs away):
I don't think we are.
DOCTOR (turning away from them):
Never mind! Everyone take five...
(He collapses.)
CLARA:
What do we do?
JENNY:
I don't understand. Who is he? Where's the Doctor?
CLARA:
Right here.
That's him.
That's the Doctor.
VASTRA (intrigued:)
Well then, here we go again...
(We see the scene from above and we see it grow smaller and smaller as the camera flies off.)
[cut]
(A new title sequence begins. We move through a series of gears and then an old Roman-numeral clock face spiral, and see the TARDIS emerge from it and then head into another clock-face spiral, which turns into an astrolabe of sorts.)
[cut]
(It is night and the camera looks down on London.)
[cut]
(CLARA and VASTRA are pressed against a door, listening through it at the DOCTOR's ranting.)
DOCTOR:
It's simply mis-understandable to me... I don't know what it is.
(The DOCTOR opens the door, and CLARA and JENNY fall forward into the room.)
Who invented this room?
CLARA:
Doctor, please, you have to lie down!
DOCTOR (still ranting at VASTRA):
It doesn't make sense. Look, it's only got a bed in it.
Why is there only a bed it in?
CLARA (exasperated):
Because it's a bed-room, it's for sleeping in.
DOCTOR:
OK, what do you do when you're awake?
JENNY:
You leave the room.
DOCTOR (at CLARA, who is nodding at JENNY's comment):
So you've got a whole room for not being awake in?
But what's the point? You're just missing the room! (he notices a mirror) And don't look in that mirror! It's absolutely furious!
CLARA:
Doctor, please.
You have to lie down, you keep... passing out.
DOCTOR:
Well, of course I keep passing out, there's all these beds!
And why do they keep talking like that? (He points at CLARA.)
What's gone wrong with your accent? Why do you...
JENNY (interrupting):
Nothing's wrong with her accent.
DOCTOR (to JENNY):
You sound the same. It's spreading.
You all sound all... English.
Now you've all developed a fault!
VASTRA (trying a new tactic):
Doctor, I need your help with something.
DOCTOR:
Finally, someone who can talk properly.
VASTRA:
I'm having difficulty sleeping.
DOCTOR:
Oh, oh, well I wouldn't bother with that. I never bother with sleep,
I just do stand-up catnaps.
VASTRA (leading him by the hand to the bed):
Oh, really? How interesting. And when do you do those?
DOCTOR:
Well, generally whenever anyone else starts talking.
I like to skip ahead to my bits, it saves time.
VASTRA (putting his hands on her temples, and her hands on his):
Ah, well, save me time, Doctor.
Project an image of perfect sleep into the centre of my mind.
DOCTOR:
[Do] you want a psychic link with me?...
The size of my brain, it would be like dropping a piano on you.
VASTRA (somehow avoiding cringing during this cringe-worthy line):
Be gentle then.
DOCTOR (softly):
I'll try.
Brace yourself!
Piano!
(As soon as the DOCTOR touches VASTRA's temples, he falls back onto the bed, out cold.)
VASTRA:
I love monkeys. They're so funny!
JENNY:
Oh, I see! So people are monkeys now, are they?
VASTRA:
No, dear. People are apes.
Men are monkeys.
CLARA (helping JENNY and VASTRA tuck in the DOCTOR):
So what now?
VASTRA:
He needs rest.
CLARA (to VASTRA):
So what do we do? How do we fix him?
VASTRA:
Fix him?
CLARA (to JENNY):
How do we change him back?
(JENNY looks uneasy.)
VASTRA:
Jenny...
I will be in my chamber. Would you be kind enough to fetch my veil?
JENNY:
Why? [Are] we expecting strangers?
VASTRA:
It would seem... (she looks to CLARA) there is already one here.
CLARA (to JENNY, as VASTRA leaves):
What have I done wrong?
JENNY (looking uneasy, and then going to the window when a roar provides a convenient distraction):
The dinosaur doesn't seem very 'appy.
CLARA:
What's wrong with it?
JENNY:
I dunno. The Doctor's the one that speaks dinosaur.
JENNY:
Excuse me, ma'am, the wife doesn't like to be kept waiting...
CLARA (looking at the DOCTOR):
Where did he get that face?
Why's it got lines on it, it's brand new.
How can his hair be all grey, he only just got it.
JENNY:
It's still him, ma'am. You saw him change.
CLARA:
I know. I do, I... I know that.
JENNY (smiling):
Good.
CLARA:
It's just...
JENNY:
What?
CLARA:
Nothing.
(JENNY turns to leave.)
If...
If Vastra changed, if she was different, if she wasn't the person that... you liked.
JENNY:
I don't like her, ma'am. I love her. And as to different, well... she's a lizard.
(JENNY leaves. CLARA remains, pacing.)
DOCTOR (talking in his sleep):
I am alone.
The world, which shook at my feet,
and the trees, and the sky, have gone.
And I am alone now. Alone.
CLARA:
Are you translating?
DOCTOR:
The wind bites now,
and the world is grey,
and I am alone.
Can't see me. Doesn't see me.
Can't... see me.
CLARA:
Who can't see it? [I] think all o' London can see it.
STRAX (entering the room):
Boy! Madame Vastra is waiting.
CLARA:
Okay, whatever.
STRAX:
I will convey you to her chamber.
(STRAX holds out his arm.)
May I take your coat?
CLARA:
Not wearing a coat.
STRAX:
What's all that?
CLARA:
Clothes.
STRAX:
May I take your clothes?
CLARA:
Probably not.
STRAX:
Are you wearing a hat?
CLARA (walking down the hall, away from STRAX):
It's hair.
STRAX:
No, I think it's a hat. Would you like me to check?
[cut]
MAN (walking with a woman down a dark street towards the riverbank, addressing her):
It's not real, o' course.
WOMAN:
What is it then?
MAN:
The government.
WOMAN:
The government?
MAN:
Yeah, up to their usual tricks.
WOMAN:
It's a dinosaur, Alf. A real dinosaur.
MAN (ALF):
I wouldn't put it past them.
WOMAN:
You don't 'alf talk a lot of rubbish, Alfie...
See you don't stay out too late now.
MAN (ALF):
You know me.
WOMAN (kissing him on the cheek and then leaving):
Yes, I do!
(After the WOMAN has left, someone lights a streetlight and we see a SECOND MAN standing by it. When he turns, we see that part of his face is missing, showing rudimentary metalwork / machinery beneath it.)
MAN (ALF):
It's the neck, that's what's wrong with it.
Just don't look realistic.
SECOND MAN (ROBOT):
You have good eyes.
MAN (ALF):
I do, as it happens. Very good eyes.
They are my greatest gift.
SECOND MAN (ROBOT) (removing a pair of tweezers from a jar):
I accept.
MAN (ALF) (looking at the tweezers):
What's that for?
SECOND MAN (ROBOT):
Your gift.
I have bad eyes.
(The ROBOT turns and pulls ALF towards him; ALF, seeing now that his conversational companion in a ROBOT, screams. The other people who were on the street just a moment ago are now apparently so far away that neither they nor anyone else hears the scream.)
[cut]
VASTRA (in her garden):
And then?
CLARA (apparently having gone through the entire conversation until this point without noticing and/or asking):
Why are you wearing your veil?
VASTRA (annoyed):
And then?
CLARA:
And then we got swallowed by a big dinosaur.
You probably noticed.
JENNY:
How did it happen?
CLARA:
I don't know. I don't know, we were...
crashing about everywhere...
the Doctor was gone...
the TARDIS went haywire...
JENNY:
'E's not gone. 'E's upstairs.
CLARA:
Okay, he changed.
VASTRA:
He regenerated. Renewed himself.
CLARA (at once accepting the choice of words and dismissing it):
Renewed, fine.
VASTRA:
Such a cynical smile.
CLARA:
I'm not smiling.
VASTRA:
Not outwardly.
But I am accustomed to seeing through a veil.
How have I amused you?
CLARA:
You said "renewed". He doesn't...he doesn't look renewed. He looks... older.
VASTRA:
You thought he was young?
CLARA:
He looked young!
VASTRA:
He looked like your dashing young gentleman friend.
Your lover, even.
CLARA (smiling uncomfortably):
Shut up!
VASTRA:
But he is the Doctor.
He has walked this universe for centuries untold, he has seen stars fall to dust.
You might as well flirt with a mountain range.
CLARA (amused):
I did not flirt with him.
DOCTOR:
He flirted with you.
CLARA:
How?
VASTRA:
He looked young. Who do you think that was for?
CLARA:
Me?
VASTRA:
Everyone.
I wear a veil as he wore a face,
for the same reason.
CLARA:
What reason?
VASTRA (with a chuckle):
The oldest reason there is for anything...
to be accepted.
[cut]
(Upstairs, in bed, the DOCTOR begins to sniff, and awakes. He climbs along the floor, sniffing, over to the wall. He finds a piece of chalk and begins to write on the wall.)
[cut]
VASTRA (in her garden, while JENNY pours her tea):
Jenny and I are married... yet for appearances' sake, we maintain a pretence, in public, that she is my maid.
JENNY:
Doesn't exactly explain why I'm pouring tea... in private...
VASTRA:
Hush now.
JENNY (to CLARA):
Good pretence, isn't it?
VASTRA:
I wear a veil to keep from view what many are pleased to call my disfigurement.
I do not wear it as a courtesy to such people.
I wear it as a judgement on the quality of their hearts.
CLARA (smiling with the sort of amusement that precedes anger):
Are you judging me?
VASTRA:
The Doctor regenerated in your presence.
The young man disappeared, the veil lifted.
He trusted you. Are you judging him?
CLARA (provoked; looking around, standing, and saying coolly):
How dare you.
How dare you!
[cut]
(Upstairs, the DOCTOR is seated on the floor scribbling.
When the dinosaur groans again, the DOCTOR looks up and looks around the room.
He goes to the door and opens it, looking out, considering.)
DOCTOR:
Door... boring, not me.
(He runs to the window, opens it, and steps onto the ledge to jump out.)
Me!
[cut]
CLARA (pacing around the garden, addressing VASTRA):
Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor, last of the five good'ns, stoic philosopher.
VASTRA (no longer wearing her veil):
Superlative bass guitarist.
The Doctor really knows how to put a band together.
CLARA:
And the only pin up I ever had on my wall when I was fifteen.
The only one I ever had.
I am not sure who you think you're talking to right now, Madam Vastra...
But I never had the slightest interest in pretty young men.
And for the record,
if there was anybody who could flirt with a mountain range,
she's probably standing in front of you right now!
(Having gotten that off her chest, she exhales, shaking her head at VASTRA dismissively.)
Just because my pretty face has turned your head,
do not assume that I am so easily distracted!
JENNY (starting to clap excitedly):
Woo!
Woo-oo!
(CLARA and VASTRA look at JENNY in confusion.)
JENNY (stopping clapping):
Sorry.
VASTRA (chuckling, trying to seem amused rather than ruffled):
Well. Goodness me.
The lake is ruffled at last.
I have often wondered what you'd be like when you lost your temper.
JENNY (smacking VASTRA on the head):
Oi! (VASTRA hisses at her.) Married!
VASTRA:
The Doctor needs us: you more than anyone.
He is lost in the ruin of himself, and we must bring him home.
CLARA:
When did you stop wearing your veil?
VASTRA:
When you stopped seeing it.
DOCTOR (making his way across rooftops in the night, shouting to the dinosaur, oddly not waking anyone else up):
Oi! Oi!
Hey, big sexy woman!
Oi!
Sorry. Sorry, it's all my fault.
My time machine got stuck in your throat, it happens.
I brought you along by accident.
That's mostly how I meet girls,
but don't worry, I promise I will get you home.
I swear, whatever it takes, I will keep you safe.
You will be at home again.
(The dinosaur catches fire and falls to the ground a ball of flame.)
DOCTOR:
Stop that.
Who's doing that?
No, don't do that.
[cut]
VASTRA (in her garden; rising from her chair):
That came from the river!
JENNY:
The dinosaur!
VASTRA:
Strax! Bring the carriage! Now!
[cut]
(The DOCTOR runs across rooftops and jumps into a tree, crashing through its branches.
Below, on the street, a carriage clops up.)
DOCTOR:
Halt!
Sorry, I'm going to have to relieve you of your pet!
MAN IN CARRIAGE:
Your what?
DOCTOR:
Shut up, I was talking to the horse!
(The DOCTOR lets go of the branch he is on and falls onto the horse's back. He takes out his sonic screwdriver and releases the bonds which link the horse to the carriage.)
MAN IN CARRIAGE:
What are you doing?
DOCTOR (to horse):
Forwards!
STRAX (pulling up behind the now-horseless carriage just as the DOCTOR rides off)
Out of the way, human scum!
Jurassic emergency!
[cut]
DOCTOR (riding through the dark streets):
Left!
No, no, right, right, right, right!
Sorry, it's my new hands — I can't tell them apart!
[cut]
JENNY:
What do you think's happened?
VASTRA:
I don't know, but I fear devilment!
CLARA:
Should we not have told the Doctor?
JENNY:
He's not ready to leave his bed.
[cut]
DOCTOR:
Watch it on the corners, it's a bit slippery up here!
[cut]
VASTRA:
Strax! Come on, Strax!
(STRAX whips the horse.)
That's better!
[cut]
(The DOCTOR arrives at a bridge and looks down upon the flames.)
DOCTOR:
Sorry, sorry,
I'm sorry...
sorry, sorry...
(STRAX, VASTRA, JENNY and CLARA pull up and see the DOCTOR standing on the railing of the bridge. He jumps.)
CLARA:
The Doctor! What's he doing here?
VASTRA:
There is trouble. Where else would he be?
DOCTOR:
She was scared.
She was scared and alone.
I brought her here and look what they did.
VASTRA:
Who or what could have done this thing?
DOCTOR (turning to look at her, answering softly but angry at what has happened):
No.
VASTRA:
I'm sorry?
DOCTOR:
No. That is not the question, that is not where we start.
STRAX:
The question is, how? The flesh itself has been combusted...
DOCTOR:
No, no, shut up!
What do you all have for brains? Pudding?
Look at you.
Why can't I meet a decent species?
Planet of the pudding-brains!
CLARA (softly):
Doctor...
I know you're upset.
But you need to calm down and talk to us. What is the question?
DOCTOR:
A dinosaur is burning in the heart of London.
Nothing left but smoke and flame.
The question is...
have there been any similar murders?
(CLARA looks down. VASTRa and JENNY look at each other)
VASTRA:
Yes! Yes, by the God-dess, there have!
DOCTOR (gesturing to the people on the banks of the river gawking):
Look at them all. Gawking!
Question two:
if all the pudding-brains are gawking...
(The DOCTOR gestures at a FIGURE moving methodically along another bridge or an opposite bank of the river.)
then what is he?
VASTRA:
He seem remarkably unmoved by the available spectacle.
CLARA (turning to look to VASTRA):
Do you think that's whoever...
(The DOCTOR jumps into the river.)
CLARA (alarmed, to VASTRA):
What he's doing? He'll drown!
VASTRA:
I very much doubt it.
CLARA:
Why?
VASTRA:
Because there has been a murder,
and the Doctor has taken the case.
If we are to see him again, we must do the same.
(CLARA looks into the black water, the light of the flames still playing on its surface.)
[cut]
(CLARA is in Victorian dress, washing up using a bowl of water. She hears Strax outside and goes to the window to look out.)
STRAX (to some humans who are unloading the TARDIS from a cart):
Come on, Earthling scum, position it here. Easy now... that's it. Careful...
Don't get it scratched, or you and all your bloodline will be obliterated from time and space.
CLARA:
Strax?
STRAX:
Ah, morning, Miss Clara. You're awake at last.
CLARA:
Got the TARDIS then?
STRAX:
Military tactics.
The Doctor is still missing, but he will always come looking for his box.
By bringing it here, he will be lured from the dangers of London to this place of safety,
and we will melt him with acid.
CLARA:
OK, that last part?
STRAX:
And we will *not* melt him with acid.
Old habits.
(CLARA smiles. STRAX looks at the rolled-up newspaper in his hand.)
The Times. Shall I send it up?
CLARA:
Yeah, why not?
(STRAX throws it; it smacks CLARA in the head and knocks her out.)
[cut]
(CLARA, in Victorian dress, makes her way down the hall, holding the paper.)
CLARA (reaching the stairs and seeing JENNY):
Jenny!
JENNY:
Ah, good morning, Clara.
CLARA (cheery):
Morning. Ehm, so, what are we going to do?
Are we go looking for the Doctor?
JENNY:
We've got the Paternoster irregulars out in force.
(These presumably resemble Sherlock Holmes' homeless network.)
JENNY (to CLARA, who is now walking with JENNY back up the stairs CLARA just walked down):
If anyone can find him, they can.
Meanwhile, Madame Vastra is slightly occupied by the Conk-Singleton forgery case.
And is having the Camberwell child-poisoner for dinner.
CLARA (confused):
For dinner.
JENNY:
After she's finished interrogating 'im.
Probably best to stay out the larder.
It'll get a bit noisy in there later.
(That's right, the scriptwriter decided to have the lesbian characters be literal man-eaters...)
CLARA:
Ehm...
[cut]
(CLARA is now making her way down a hall to where STRAX is mopping the floor.)
STRAX:
Ah, Miss Clara!
You look better now you're up.
CLARA:
Thank you, Strax!
STRAX (after CLARA walks out of the dim hall and into the lit room):
Oh, sorry, trick of the light. You still look terrible.
Can I get you anything?
CLARA:
Eh, no, thanks... maybe just some water.
STRAX:
Of course.
(STRAX puts his mop-bucket on the table in front of CLARA.)
Well, don't hold back. I've nearly finished anyway.
CLARA (concerned):
Ehm...
STRAX:
It's perfectly all right. I washed in it myself.
CLARA (even more concerned):
All of a sudden, I'm not very thirsty.
STRAX:
Really? Perhaps it is time, then...
(STRAX menacingly removes a device from his pocket and advances towards CLARA. She backs away from him. Then his tone grows less menacing, but remains creepy.)
...for your mandatory medical examination!
(STRAX shines a light in CLARA's face.)
Say 'ah'.
CLARA (opening her mouth):
Ah...
STRAX:
You didn't move your lips.
CLARA:
You're looking at my eye.
STRAX:
Oh, yes, there we are. Easy mistake...
(He continues to examine her.)
Now that's interesting.
CLARA:
What? What's interesting?
STRAX:
Deflected narcissism, traces of passive aggressive, and...
a lot of muscular young men doing sport.
CLARA:
What are you looking at?
STRAX:
Your subconscious.
STRAX:
Is that sport?
It could be sport.
CLARA:
Well, stop looking.
(CLARA closes his device. He reopens it.)
STRAX:
Moving on to the thorax, such as it is...
Ah, excellent! Enviable spleen, well done!
27 years old, with a projected life-span of exactly...
CLARA:
Stop right there!
STRAX:
Oh, you're going to do quite well.
But watch out for fluid retention later, it's going to be spectacular.
Well, put your clothes back on.
CLARA:
They are on!
STRAX:
Oh, so they are.
CLARA (taking his toy and putting it on the table):
Why are you doing this?
STRAX:
If we are to serve together, I need you in peak physical prowess. Eh?
CLARA (after STRAX semi-playfully punches her in the arm):
Ow!
Why would we be serving together. The Doctor's gonna come back, isn't he?
STRAX:
It is to be hoped.
CLARA:
He's not just going to abandon me here.
STRAX:
You must stop worrying about him, my boy.
By now he's almost certainly had his throat cut by the violent poor.
[cut]
(In a narrow allow, the DOCTOR, still in his night-dress, is pouring rubbish out of a bin.
Another man makes his way down the alley to him.
The DOCTOR finds a perfectly good mirror which someone threw away for some reason. He cleans it off and looks in.)
DOCTOR:
Bitey.
MAN:
Bitey?
DOCTOR:
The air, it's bitey. Wet and bitey.
MAN:
It's cold!
DOCTOR:
That's right. It's cold!
It's cold, I knew it was a thing.
I need... ehm... I need clothes.
I need clothes, that's what I need.
And a big, long scarf...
no, no, move[d] on from that, looked stupid.
(to the MAN:) Have... have you seen this face before?
MAN:
No.
DOCTOR:
Are you sure?
MAN:
Sir, I have never seen that face.
DOCTOR:
It's funny, because... I'm sure that I have.
You know, I never know where the faces come from.
They just pop up, zap, faces like this one,
come on, look at it! Have a look, come on, look, look, look!
Look, it's covered in lines.
And I didn't do the frowning.
Who frowned me this face?
(The DOCTOR has pulled the MAN over to the mirror to join the DOCTOR in looking into it.)
Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think: 'I've seen that face before'?
MAN:
Yes.
DOCTOR:
Really? When?
MAN:
Well, every time I look in the mirror.
DOCTOR:
Oh, yes, yes, well... fair enough.
Good point.
My face is fresh on though.
(The MAN rolls his eyes and moves away.)
Why this one?
Why did I choose this face?
It's like I'm trying to tell myself something,
like I'm trying to make a point...
but what is so important that I can't just tell myself what I'm thinking?
(The DOCTOR walks over to the man.)
I'm not just being rhetorical here, you can join in!
MAN:
I don't like it.
DOCTOR:
What?
MAN:
Your face.
DOCTOR:
Well, I don't like it either.
Well... it's all right up till the eyebrows,
and then it just goes haywire.
Look at the eyebrows!
These are attack eyebrows. You could take bottle tops off with these!
MAN (frightened):
They are mighty eyebrows indeed, sir.
DOCTOR:
They're cross!
They're crosser than the rest of my face.
They're independently cross!
They probably want to [se]cede from the rest of my face,
and set up their own independent state of eyebrows!
(The DOCTOR becomes more and more animated.)
That's Scot! I am Scottish, am I? I've gone Scottish!
MAN:
Yes, you are. You are definitely Scotch, sir.
I, I... I 'ear it in your voice.
DOCTOR:
Oh, no, that's good. Oh, oh...
It's good, I'm Scottish, Scottish.
I am... Scottish.
I can complain about things.
I can really complain about things now.
Give me your coat?
MAN:
No.
DOCTOR (moving towards the MAN threateningly):
I am cold.
MAN (wrapping his coat more tightly around himself):
I'm cold.
DOCTOR:
I'm cold.
There's no point in us both being cold, give me your coat.
Give me your coat.
(As the DOCTOR advances towards him he has a realization and backs off to return to the mirror.)
No, wait! Shut up. Shut up! Shut up!
I missed something. It was here, it was here. It was...
I... what was it... I saw... what did I see?
(The DOCTOR finds a newspaper on the ground and takes it over to the man.)
This is what I saw!
(The DOCTOR puts his arm around the man and points out an article in the paper titled 'Fourth Case of Spontaneous Combustion'.)
Spontaneous combustion!
MAN:
What devilry is this, sir?
DOCTOR:
I don't know. But I probably blame the English.
[cut]
(In VASTRA's drawing-chamber we move past several statues to see JENNY posing while VASTRA is at work on a canvas on an easel, looking up periodically at JENNY.)
VASTRA:
Spontaneous combustion?
JENNY:
Is that like love at first sight?
VASTRA:
A little.
VASTRA:
It is the theory that human beings can, with little or no inducement, simply explode.
JENNY:
You don't need to flirt with me, we're already married.
VASTRA:
It's scientific nonsense, of course.
JENNY:
Marriage?
VASTRA:
Hush!
There have been nine reported incidents of people apparently exploding in the last month.
JENNY:
And you think they weren't spontaneous?
JENNY:
I think whoever killed the dinosaur had at least nine previous victims.
VASTRA (spinning the easel around to reveal that she has constructed a Sherlock Holmes-style map of threads connecting cases):
All of these perished in the same spectacular fashion.
JENNY (put off):
I thought you were painting me!
VASTRA:
I was working.
JENNY:
Why am I posing then?
VASTRA:
Well, you brighten the room tremendously... chin up a little.
(Yes, the scriptwriter decided to have the man-eating lesbian make her wife into a lamp.)
JENNY:
I don't understand why I'm doing this!
VASTRA:
Art.
(JENNY looks cross. VASTRA looks amused. Both move towards the easel.)
Now, why destroy the victims so completely?
It's difficult, it draws attention...
what advantage is to be gained?
JENNY:
Well tell us, then.
VASTRA:
Concealment perhaps.
JENNY:
Concealment?
VASTRA:
It is a fanciful theory, but it fits the facts.
By destroying the body so completely, you conceal what is missing from it...
JENNY:
Missing from the body?
CLARA (rushing into the room excited):
Madame Vastra...
VASTRA (gesturing to a chair):
Clara! Excellent. Pop your clothes on that chair there.
CLARA (to excited to pay attention to VASTRA's come-on; holding up the paper):
Look!
VASTRA:
Advertisements, yes. So many, it is a distressing modern trend.
CLARA:
No, look! Look...
(She moves over to the table and points out one advert in the paper which reads simply 'Impossible girl: Lunch on the other side?')
JENNY (to VASTRA, who is moving towards the door):
Ma'am?
VASTRA (ringing a bell to summon STRAX):
The game is afoot. We're going to need a lot of tea!
[cut]
(Some time has passed. STRAX is pouring tea.)
VASTRA:
There appears to be nothing of significance in the rest of the newspaper.
Not even in the agony column.
JENNY:
We can't know it's from the Doctor.
CLARA (pacing):
Of course it's from the Doctor. The Impossible Girl, that's what he calls me!
VASTRA:
He says lunch, but not where or when...
JENNY (reading the advert):
On the other side?
The other side of London? Bit vague.
The other side of regeneration, perhaps. Once he's recovered?
CLARA:
So, what am I supposed to do? Guess where we're meeting?
VASTRA:
Perhaps that's the point.
Perhaps you're supposed to prove you still know him.
Think what that means to a man who now barely knows himself!
CLARA:
It doesn't makes sense.
He doesn't do puzzles... he isn't complicated.
Really doesn't have the attention span.
(Figuring it out, she grabs the paper from JENNY and holds it up to the light.)
So... keeping it dead simple...
(She turns it over and looks at what is written on the other side of the paper: the address of a restaurant.)
[cut]
(CLARA makes her away across the street towards the restaurant.
Once inside, she is seated at the table farthest from the door, still examining the paper.
She notices a smell and sees that she has been joined by the DOCTOR.)
DOCTOR:
What's wrong?
CLARA:
I dunno! Maybe the smell?
DOCTOR:
I know, it's everywhere...
CLARA:
Where did you get that coat?
DOCTOR:
Eh... I bought it.
CLARA:
From where?
DOCTOR:
A shop.
CLARA:
No.
DOCTOR:
Might have been a tramp.
CLARA:
You don't have money.
DOCTOR:
I had a watch.
CLARA (alarmed):
No! That watch was beautiful...
DOCTOR:
It was my favourite.
CLARA:
You swapped your favourite watch for that coat? That's maybe not a good deal...
DOCTOR:
Well, I was in a hurry, there was [a] terrible smell...
CLARA (annoyed):
OK
(The DOCTOR starts to smile.)
CLARA:
No. No, don't. Don't... don't... don't smile.
I'll... I will smile first, and then you know it's safe to smile.
DOCTOR:
Are you cross with me?
CLARA:
I am not cross.
But if I was cross it would be your fault. And...
yes, I am cross.
DOCTOR:
I guessed that.
CLARA:
I am extremely cross.
DOCTOR:
And if I hadn't changed my face would you be cross?
CLARA:
I would be cross if I wasn't cross!
DOCTOR:
Why?
CLARA:
Why? An ordinary person wants to meet someone they know very well for lunch, what do they do?
DOCTOR:
Well they'd probably... get in touch and suggest lunch.
CLARA:
Mhm, OK, so what sort of person would put a cryptic note in, in a newspaper advert?
DOCTOR:
Well, I wouldn't like to say.
CLARA:
Oh, go on, do say...
DOCTOR:
Well. I would say that person would be an egomaniac, needy, game-player... sort of person.
CLARA:
Ah... thank you.
(finally smiling:) Well at least that hasn't changed.
DOCTOR:
And I don't suppose it ever will.
CLARA (amused):
No, I don't suppose it will either.
DOCTOR (putting his hand on hers):
Clara, honestly... I don't want you to change.
It was no bother, really. I saw your advert, I figured it out...
Happy to play your game.
CLARA (surprised):
No. N... no.
I didn't place the ad. You placed the ad.
DOCTOR:
No, I didn't.
CLARA:
Yes. You placed the ad, I figured it out!
Impossible Girl. See. Lunch.
DOCTOR:
No look, the Impossible... that is message *from* the Impossible Girl.
CLARA:
*For* the Impossible Girl...
(The two of them look at each other, realizing, and go "oh".)
DOCTOR:
Well, if neither of us placed that ad...
Who placed that ad?
CLARA (realizing something else):
Hang on.
'Egomaniac, needy, game-player'?
DOCTOR:
This could be a trap.
CLARA:
That was me?
DOCTOR:
Never mind that
CLARA:
Yes, I am minding that.
DOCTOR:
Clara...
CLARA:
You were talking about me?
DOCTOR:
Clara, what is happening right now, in this restaurant, to you and me, is more important than your egomania.
CLARA:
Nothing is more important than my egomania!
DOCTOR:
Right, you actually said that.
CLARA:
You never mention that again!
DOCTOR:
It's, it's a vanity trap.
You're so busy congratulating yourself on solving the puzzle... you don't notice you're sticking your head in a noose.
(The DOCTOR has plucked a hair out of his head.)
CLARA:
What are you doing?
And, that isn't the only grey one, if you're, ah, having a cull...
DOCTOR:
What, do you have a problem with the grey ones?
CLARA:
Oh, if I got new hair, and it was grey, I'd have a problem.
DOCTOR:
Yeah, I bet you would.
CLARA:
Meaning?
DOCTOR (rejecting his hair and plucking one of hers):
It's too short.
CLARA:
Ow!
DOCTOR:
Sorry, it was the only one out of place,
I'm sure you would want it killed.
CLARA:
Oo, are you trying to tell me something?
DOCTOR:
I'm trying to measure the air disturbance in the room.
CLARA:
Right, moments when you know you are boring...
(The DOCTOR drops the hair; it falls straight down.)
DOCTOR:
There is something extremely wrong with everybody else in this room.
CLARA:
Hmm, basically, don't you always think that?
DOCTOR:
Look at them!
CLARA:
Don't look!
CLARA:
You just said to look!
DOCTOR:
Look without looking!
CLARA (looking out of the corner of her eye):
They look fine to me. They're just eating.
DOCTOR:
Are they?
(The DOCTOR and CLARA look out over the room and notice that the people are making the same methodical movements over and over.)
CLARA:
Okay, no. No, they're not eating.
DOCTOR:
Something else they're not doing.
(He plucks another hair and drops it; it falls straight down.)
Breathing!
CLARA:
What do we do?
DOCTOR:
Well, you don't want to eat, do you?
CLARA:
[I've] slightly lost my appetite.
How long before they notice that we're different.
DOCTOR:
Not long.
CLARA:
Anything we can do?
DOCTOR:
How long can you hold your breath?
CLARA:
We could casually stroll out of here,
like we changed our minds.
DOCTOR (softly):
Happens all the time.
CLARA (chuckling nervously):
Ha, course it does.
(When they rise to leave, the other diners rise. With each step the DOCTOR and CLARA take, the diners advice towards them.)
CLARA:
We could take another look at the menu.
(The diners return to their seats when the DOCTOR and CLARA do.)
CLARA:
What are they?
DOCTOR:
I don't know. But don't worry, because that's not the question.
The question is: what is this restaurant?
CLARA:
OK, what is this restaurant?
DOCTOR:
I don't know.
(The DOCTOR looks up to notice that a WAITER is standing over him.)
DOCTOR (looking at the menu; addressing the WAITER):
No sausages?
And there's no pictures, either.
Do you have a children's menu?
(The WAITER shines a light on the DOCTOR.)
Any specials?
WAITER:
Liver.
DOCTOR:
I don't like liver.
WAITER:
Spleen. Brain stem. Eyes.
CLARA:
Hmm... is there a lot of demand for those?
DOCTOR:
I don't think that's what's on the menu...
I think we are the menu.
WAITER:
Lungs. Skin.
DOCTOR (to the waiter, whose face the DOCTOR rips off):
Excuse me...
CLARA:
OK. Robot in a mask..
DOCTOR:
It's a face.
CLARA:
Yeah, it's ah, it's very convincing...
DOCTOR (putting it over CLARA's face):
No, it's a face.
(CLARA shrieks when she realizes what he means and throws the face onto the floor.)
WAITER:
Yes.
DOCTOR:
Yes, what?
WAITER:
Yes, we have a children's menu.
(Metal bands shoot out and pin the DOCTOR and CLARA into their seats. The whole couch they have been sitting on begins to descend down a shoot.)
DOCTOR:
You've got to admire the efficiency.
CLARA:
Is it okay if I don't?
(The DOCTOR and CLARA breath sighs of relief when the couch they are strapped to comes to a halt. They find themselves in a metallic chamber lit by fire-like light. A FIGURE is seated in a chair facing away from them and towards the centre of the room.)
DOCTOR (to the FIGURE):
Hello? Hello, are you the manager? I demand to speak to the manager!
CLARA:
This is not a real restaurant, is it?
DOCTOR:
Well... it's more a sort of, ah, automated organ collection station for the unwary diner.
Sweeney Todd without the pies.
CLARA:
So, where are we now?
DOCTOR:
Factually? An ancient space ship, probably buried for centuries.
Functionally? A larder.
CLARA:
So why hasn't somebody come for us?
DOCTOR:
We're alive.
CLARA:
We're alive in a larder.
DOCTOR:
Exactly. It's cheaper than freezing us.
CLARA:
Okay...
(Meanwhile, the DOCTOR has worked his sonic out of his pocket.)
DOCTOR (after drawing CLARA's attention to the sonic):
Are you ready?
CLARA (nodding):
Go for it.
DOCTOR:
Don't let it roll away.
CLARA:
I know!
DOCTOR:
We've got one shot at this.
CLARA:
Next time make one that doesn't roll.
DOCTOR (bumping his body so as to propel it at her):
Go!
(It rolls away. She reaches for it with her foot.)
Got it?
CLARA:
I can just about reach.
DOCTOR:
It's at times like this I miss Amy.
CLARA:
Who?
DOCTOR:
Nothing.
CLARA (having worked the screwdriver back to her, now holding it between her feet):
Ready?
DOCTOR:
Don't miss.
(CLARA kicks it up onto his lap. He grimaces.)
CLARA (apologetic):
Sorry, did I hit something?
DOCTOR (brushing it off):
Oh, the symbolism!
(The DOCTOR has worked his hand into a position where he can reach the screwdriver. He uses it to release their bonds.)
CLARA:
You should make that thing voice-activated.
(The DOCTOR thinks about this.)
Oh, for God's sake. It is, isn't it?
DOCTOR:
I don't want to talk about it.
CLARA (gesturing at a figure in a niche in the wall):
Doctor...
DOCTOR (examining it):
Dormant.
CLARA:
How do you know?
DOCTOR:
I don't, I'm just hoping.
CLARA:
So, is it these guys that killed the dinosaur?
DOCTOR:
Well if they're harvesting organs, a dinosaur would have some great stuff.
CLARA:
Why would robots need organs? Burke and Hare from space?
DOCTOR:
Maybe. That's a good theory.
(He thinks about it.)
Droids harvesting spare parts... ah, that rings a bell!
(The DOCTOR cannot figure out which bell it rings, but sees the FIGURE in the centre of the room.)
Captain, my Captain.
CLARA:
Can he see us?
DOCTOR:
Dormant.
CLARA:
Hoping?
DOCTOR:
Yep. Ah, look!
(The DOCTOR notices something on the side of the FIGURE's chair and goes over to it.
We see that the FIGURE is the HALF-FACED ROBOT from earlier.)
DOCTOR (holding up the wire he saw, which goes from the chair into the ROBOT):
He's re-charging. He's asleep.
Doesn't even know we're here.
CLARA:
Are you sure?
DOCTOR:
Sure, not sure. One or the other.
CLARA:
OK. So... half man, half robot. A cyborg, yeah.
DOCTOR:
Oh!
CLARA:
Oh?
DOCTOR:
Oh...
CLARA:
Oh...?
DOCTOR:
Look at the hands.
CLARA:
What about them?
DOCTOR:
Look at them.
CLARA:
I'm looking.
DOCTOR (taking the ROBOT's hands in his and examining them, finding that one is larger and darker than the other):
They don't match.
These hands don't belong to the same body.
CLARA:
I don't understand.
DOCTOR:
I don't blame you.
See, this... this is not your normal cyborg.
This isn't a man turning himself into a robot.
This is a robot turning itself into a man.
Piece by piece.
CLARA:
That's what the restaurant's for?
DOCTOR (looking over both the flesh and the machinery):
Well, it would need a constant supply of spare parts.
You can tan skin, but organs rot...
Some of that metal work looks Roman.
I wonder how long it's been around,
how much of the original is even left.
The eyeballs look very fresh, though...
(The ROBOT's hand moves and CLARA and the DOCTOR jump back.)
CLARA (whispering):
Is it awake?
DOCTOR:
It's waking up, I think.
(CLARA gestures that they should leave.)
Okay, let's go.
(CLARA and the DOCTOR make it through a door, but then the DOCTOR turns around and goes back into the room with the ROBOT.)
DOCTOR:
I've seen this before. I'm missing something!
CLARA:
Doctor!
DOCTOR (to himself, tapping his head, trying to think):
It's the brand new head, rebooting!
CLARA:
Come on!
DOCTOR:
I've seen this before!
CLARA (she takes him and pushes him out the door):
Hurry up! Get out.
(The door slams shut, leaving her inside the room with the ROBOT)
Doctor!
CLARA (as the DOCTOR opens the door a bit, but then stops):
Quickly!
DOCTOR:
Sorry, too slow...
There's no point in them catching us both.
CLARA:
Well give me the screwdriver!
DOCTOR:
I might need it.
(The DOCTOR shuts the door and leaves, stranding an alarmed CLARA in the room with the now-awake ROBOT.)
CLARA:
Doctor...
(The ROBOT, awake, goes to the couch-elevator to leave, but half-notices CLARA's sobbing. She stops sobbing and finds an empty niche to stand in, but various robots in the other niches seem to notice her. One inexplicably opens a door out of the room, but the rest look at her, suspicious. The lead ROBOT walks over to her.)
(In her mind, CLARA replays various things the DOCTOR has said:
"There's something else they're not doing... breathing."
"How long can you hold your breath?"
CLARA sucks in a deep breath and holds it. The ROBOT examines her. When it does not detect breath, it leaves.
Moving methodically, CLARA makes her way through the inexplicably opened door and out of the room, deeper into the larder. She continues to hold her breath, passing rows of robots, until she exhales, and despite sucking in another breath, passes out.
The lead ROBOT somehow notices this, and we flash briefly to him saying "bring her". The robots near her advance around her collapsed body to do just that.
As the robots drag her through the corridors, CLARA flashes in her mind back to her first days as a schoolteacher, when her pupils refused to obey her.)
CLARA (in the school, to the pupils who are throwing paper airplanes and generally making a mess):
All right. Stop. Stop! Stop it all of you, now.
PUPIL:
Ahaha, your first day!
CLARA:
If you don't stop it, I am going to have each and every single one of you kicked out of this school.
SECOND PUPIL (TOKEN BLACK CHARACTER):
Go on then. Do it!
(Doctor Who is notorious for always including a token black character, who has between 3 seconds and several minutes of screen time, and at least one word of dialogue, but who generally does not impact the main plot. The SECOND PUPIL, whose face is shown on screen for 3 seconds, is this episode's token black character. The SECOND PUPIL thus ties CLARA's BLACK FRIEND from 'The Snowmen' for shortest amount of screen time.)
(Now slumped on the floor in front of the lead ROBOT's chair, which it has returned to sitting in, CLARA regains consciousness.)
ROBOT:
Where is the other one?
There was another. Where is he?
Where is the other?
...
You will tell us ..., or you will be destroyed.
CLARA:
What did you say?
ROBOT:
You will tell us.
CLARA:
Yeah, I know. Or what?
ROBOT:
You will die.
(In her mind, CLARA flashes back to the TOKEN BLACK CHARACTER's words: "Go on then. Do it.")
CLARA (calmly, after surveying her surroundings, addressing the ROBOT):
Go on then.
Do it.
...
I'm not going to answer any of your questions.
So you have to do it.
You have to kill me.
...
Threats don't work unless you deliver.
ROBOT (processing this):
You will tell us where the other one is.
CLARA:
Nope.
ROBOT:
You will be destroyed.
CLARA:
Destroy me then.
And if you don't, then... I'm not going to believe a single threat you make from now on.
...
Of course, if, if I'm dead, then I can't tell you where the other one went, and... you need to keep this place down here a secret, don't you?
...
Never start with your final sanction. You've got nowhere to go but backwards.
ROBOT:
Humans feel pain.
CLARA:
Ah, bigger threat to smaller threat. See what I mean? Backwards.
ROBOT:
The information can be extracted by means of your suffering.
CLARA:
Are you trying to scare me? Because I'm already bloody terrified of dying. And I will endure a lot of pain, for a very long time, before I give up the information that is keeping me alive. How long have you got?
(The wheels in the ROBOT's head are literally turning, processing this. The ROBOT rises)
All you can offer me is my life.
What you can't do is threaten it. You can negotiate.
(The ROBOT removes one of its hands.)
CLARA (the bravado of a few moments ago is gone):
OK, OK, OK, OK, yes. Yes, yes, I am crying, and it's just because I'm... very frightened of you... and if you know anything about human beings, that means you... (she wags her finger at it) you're in a lot trouble.
ROBOT (extending a steampunk / bioshock-like blowtorch out of its wrist where its hand used to be):
We will not negotiate.
CLARA (calming down again and smiling at the ROBOT):
You don't have a choice.
I tell you what.
I'll answer your questions if you answer mine.
ROBOT:
We will not answer questions.
CLARA:
We'll take turns, I'll go first.
Why'd you kill the dinosaur?
ROBOT:
We will not answer.
CLARA:
Why did you kill the dinosaur?
ROBOT:
We will not answer questions!
CLARA:
Then you might as well kill me, 'cause I'm not talking again till you do.
ROBOT (after a pause):
Within the optic nerve of the dinosaur is material of use to our computer systems.
CLARA:
You burned a whole dinosaur for a spare part?
No. No, hang on... you know what's in a dinosaur's optic nerve... which means you've seen them before.
ROBOT:
Where is the other one?
CLARA (looking the ROBOT over):
How long have you been rebuilding yourselves?
Look at the state of you!
Is there any of the real you left?
What's the point?
ROBOT:
We will reach the promised land.
CLARA:
The what, the promised land? What's that?
ROBOT:
Where is the other one?
CLARA:
I don't know...
But I know where he will be,
where he will always be...
If the Doctor is still the Doctor,
he will have my back.
(She extends her hand backwards, reaching behind her into the air. She is finding nothing there.)
I'm right, aren't I? Go on, please, please, God, say I'm right...
(A hand grasps CLARA's and exciting music starts to play. The hand belongs to a bald one of the figures which has been lurking in the back of the room like a robot. It swings CLARA away from the lead ROBOT and then rips off its hair and face, showing that they were a mask.)
DOCTOR:
Hello, hello. Rubbish robots from the dawn of time.
Thank you for all the gratuitous information.
(the DOCTOR gestures to CLARA:) Five foot one and crying.
(the DOCTOR addresses the lead ROBOT:) You never stood a chance.
(The DOCTOR flits over to the ROBOT and does something to its hand, perhaps turning it off. He then plunges his screwdriver into a slot on the ROBOT's chair and so turns the power off.)
(to the ROBOT:) Oh, stop it!
This is your power source, feeble though it is. I can use it to blow this whole room if I see one thing that I don't like. And that includes karaoke and mime, so take no chances.
(The DOCTOR throws his mask to CLARA.)
See, Clara? That's how you disguise yourself as a droid.
CLARA (crossly):
Yeah, well, I didn't have a lot of time, I'd been suddenly abandoned.
DOCTOR:
Yeah, sorry. No, actually, I'm not,
you're brilliant on adrenalin,
(to the ROBOT:) and you're out of your depth, sir.
Never try to control a control freak.
CLARA (comically pissy):
I am not a control freak!!
DOCTOR (dismissive):
Yes, ma'am.
ROBOT:
Why are you here?
DOCTOR:
[But] why did you invite us?
(The ROBOT looks confused.)
The message. In the paper.
(The ROBOT looks even more confused.)
That was you, wasn't it?
(Upon the ROBOT's face is the same non-comprehension. Upon the DOCTOR's face is growing comprehension, which at least reaches a breaking point...)
Oh!
I hate being wrong in public. Could everybody forget that happened?
(The DOCTOR moves over to CLARA.)
Clara, say the word.
CLARA:
What word?
DOCTOR:
They never sent you in here without a word.
CLARA (defiant for some reason):
I don't want to say it.
DOCTOR (sighing):
I've guessed it already.
CLARA (pushing a button on her collar, which lights up, and speaking in unison with the DOCTOR):
Geronimo.
(A cringe-worthy action sequence begins, with VASTRA and JENNY tumbling down into the chamber on strips of cloth, like exotic dancers, through some previously-unnoticed secondary opening in the ceiling.)
VASTRA (drawing her sword in unison with JENNY):
Remain still and lay down your weapons, in the name of the British Empire!
(STRAX tumbles down into the room, considerably less gracefully and more forcefully.)
VASTRA (annoyed):
Strax!
STRAX:
Sorry.
JENNY:
I've told you before. Take the stairs.
DOCTOR (to CLARA):
Oh, look. The cavalry.
ROBOT (speaking in an oddly human, irritated way):
I burned an ancient, beautiful creature for one inch of optic nerve... what do you think you can accomplish, little man?
DOCTOR:
What do you?
Vastra!
(VASTRA steps in and blocks the ROBOT, which has been approaching the DOCTOR menacingly, with her sword.)
VASTRA:
The establishment upstairs has been disabled with maximum prejudice, and the authorities summoned.
CLARA:
Hang on, she called the police? We never do that! We should start!
DOCTOR (to the ROBOT):
You see?
Destroy us if you will, they're still going to close your restaurant!
(The ROBOT and VASTRA both look at him unimpressed.)
That was going to sound better.
ROBOT:
Then we will destroy you.
(He gestures to the other robots around the edge of the room; they extend blades from their forearms and advance.)
(
That's the first 54 minutes.
I will finish this transcript shortly.
Until then, some select bits:
R: "I am in search of paradise."
D: "Yeah, well, me too, and I'm not gonna make it, either."
D to R: "51st century, right? You're trying to get home the long way round."
R: "I am not human."
D: "Neither am I."
D to C: "You look at me and you can't see me. Do you have any idea what that's like? I'm not on the phone, I'm right here. Standing in front of you ... please just ... just see me."
D: "I'm not sure I'm a hugging person now."
C: "I'm not sure you get a vote."
)
Keywords: Doctor Who transcript. Deep Breath transcript. Deep Breath script. Doctor Who: Deep Breath. Closed captioning, quotations, quotes, lines, dialogue. Steven Moffat.
Selected cast list (which doubles as more keywords): The Twelfth Doctor: Peter Capaldi. The Eleventh Doctor: Matt Smith. Clara Oswald, Clara Oswin Oswald: Jenna Coleman, Jenna-Louise Coleman. Madame Vastra, Madam Vastra: Neve McIntosh. Jenny Flint: Catrin Stewart. Strax: Dan Starkey.
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