transcript : Doctor Who, Series 7, Episode 2 : Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

(I thank Tardisblue.net for hosting the streams of this episode I watched to prepare this transcript. Cheers, Michele, and cheers, fellow Whovians. I hope you find these transcripts useful.)

(We see a wall, dimly lit, inscribed with hieroglyphs.

The screen shows “Egypt, 1334 B.C.”

As the camera pans, we see into a room; it is dark, its walls are likewise of stone.)

DOCTOR (stepping around a corner, towards the door of the TARDIS):

Bye then! Lovely meeting you, sorry about the mess.

(A woman is following him, covered in a flowing, translucent white robe, with a tall blue crown on her head.

She pushes him against the door of the TARDIS like Amy did in her bedroom.)

WOMAN (NEFERTITI):

You think I'll let you leave without me? After what we've just been through?

(She presses close to him, moving her face to his, closing her eyes and inhaling.)

DOCTOR (his voice growing progressively higher):

You've got the Egyptian people to rule, Queen Nefertiti!

They'll need reassuring after that weapon-bearing giant alien locust attack we just stopped rather brilliantly.

(A toy horn sounds from his pocket.)

DOCTOR:

Oh, dear; sorry! Got it set to temporal news-feed...

(He takes something out of his pocket and reads his message.) Oh, that's interesting!

NEFERTITI (breathing heavily, taking an interest in what he is looking at):

Oh, what is?

DOCTOR (to her):

Nothing! Nothing interesting. Not at...  

(As he continues reading) Ooh-hoo! Never been there, (as she runs her hands over his body and pushes him into the TARDIS) exciting!

(The DOCTOR seems to protest “no, no, not me; coming” as we look up, from the TARDIS, into the darkness.

[cut] The darkness becomes space. We see a ship in space, many rocky brown pods are connected by spindly lines to a central hub.

[cut] We are in a military base, indoors. On the floor we see a circular seal with the letters ISA; on the wall, or perhaps merely on ours screens, we see “2367 A.D.”)

INDIRA (SOLDIER):

Craft size approximately ten million square kilometres...

DOCTOR:

A ship the size of Canada, coming at Earth very fast.

Any signs of life?

INDIRA:

We sent up a drone craft, it took these readings.

(Readings display on the screen by which they are standing.)

DOCTOR:

Crikey, Charlie, look at that!

Ooh, I know someone who'd love a look.

And the Ponds! Mustn't forget the Ponds, Nefi! Haven't seen them in ages.

I'm riffing, people usually stop me when I'm riffing ... or carry on without me...

NEFERTITI:

Can you communicate with [this/the] craft?

DOCTOR (to INDIRA):

She's with me.

(to NEFERTITI:) Good question, Nefi.

INDIRA:

No. No response on any channel in any recognised language.

If it comes within 10 000 kilometres of Earth, we send [off/up] missiles.

DOCTOR:

Oh, Indira, I liked you before you said missiles.

How long till the ship gets that close?

INDIRA:

Six hours, nineteen minutes.

DOCTOR:

Right, better get a shift on then! Leave it with us.

Come on then, Nefi! We're going to need help.

[cut] (The screen shows “African Plains, 1902 A.D.”

A man is seated by a fire by a tent.

The DOCTOR appears.)

DOCTOR (to the man):

More stew?

MAN (RIDDELL) (surprised to see an old acquaintance):

Where have you been, man? Seven months! You said you were popping out for some liquorice! I had two very disappointed dancers on my hands! Not that I couldn't manage...

DOCTOR:

Riddell, listen, I've found... well, something.

RIDDELL:

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I shan't fall for that again.

(RIDDELL continues eating stew)

RIDDELL (as curiosity gets the better of him):

What is it?

DOCTOR:

I've no idea.

Do you want to find out?

[cut] (We are in the Ponds' flat.)

BRIAN:

I think it's the fitting.

RORY:

Dad, it's not the fitting, it just needs a new bulb.

BRIAN:

You're wobbling the ladder.

RORY:

I'm not!

BRIAN:

I don't want another loft incident.

AMY (like a child, showing off / making another child jealous):

How's my side, Brian?

BRIAN:

Perfect as ever, Amy.

AMY:

Thank you, Brian!

(RORY mouths her words at her, annoyed at her.)

BRIAN:

I don't know what he said to you to make you marry him, but he's a lucky man.

(The sound of TARDIS materialising is heard.)

RORY (whispering to AMY):

Not here! Not now!

BRIAN:

Did you leave the back door open?

RORY:

What is he doing?

AMY:

I'm gonna kill him!

(TARDIS materialises around them)

DOCTOR (distracted, not noticing BRIAN or looking at AMY and RORY,

but speaking to AMY and RORY):

Hello! You weren't busy, were you?

Well, even if you were, it wasn't as interesting as this ... probably is.

Didn't want you to miss it.

Now, just a quick hop.

(The TARDIS shoots through space towards ship.)

DOCTOR:

Everybody grab a torch!

(BRIAN, in shock, drops the light bulb he is still holding; it shatters)

(They step out into a vast, dark ship.)

DOCTOR (moving over to look at a cobweb):

Spiders. Don't normally get spiders in space.

DOCTOR (suddenly noticing, running over and pointing a torch in BRIAN's face):

What the...?

Don't move!

Do you really think I'm that stupid, [that] I wouldn't notice?

How did you get aboard, eh? Transmat?

Who sent you?

RORY:

Doctor... that's my dad.

DOCTOR:

Well, frankly, that's outrageous.

RORY:

What?

DOCTOR:

You think you can bring

your dad along without asking?

I'm not a taxi service, you know!

RORY (annoyed):

You materialised around us!

DOCTOR:

Oh, well, that's fine then, my mistake.

Hello, Brian, how are you? Nice to meet you. Welcome, welcome!

This is the gang. I've got a gang. Yes!

Come on then, everyone!

AMY (to RORY, as the others walk forward):

Tell him something, quick.

RORY:

Yes, thank you!

BRIAN:

I'm not entirely sure

what's going on.

RORY:

You know when Amy and I first got married and we went travelling?

BRIAN:

To Thailand.

RORY:

More [like] the entirety of space and time. In that police box.

(Loud thumping is audible.)

AMY:

All right, where are we, and what is that noise? And, hello, ten months?

DOCTOR:

Orbiting Earth — well, I say orbiting, more like pre-crashing — on a spaceship. [I] don't know. And, hello, Pond!

Ten months, time flies.

Never really understood that phrase.

This is Nefi, this is Riddell.

They're with me.

AMY:

With you? They're *with* you?

Are they the new *us*?

Is that why we haven't seen you?

DOCTOR:

No, they're just people.

They're not Ponds!

I thought we might need a gang, not really had a gang before ... it's new.

(They all reach a large door. Behind it, a lift can be heard in operation.)

DOCTOR:

It's coming down.

RIDDELL:

What is it?

DOCTOR:

No idea.

(The door opens. Dinosaurs roar.)

RORY:

Not possible!

DOCTOR:

Run!

AMY (coming back after initially running when she notices he is not running):

Doctor!

DOCTOR:

I know! Dinosaurs! On a spaceship!

(The dinosaurs roar.)

(The title sequence plays, a fiery orange and red with a grey font, crediting Matt, Karen and Arthur, and mentioning the episode title, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, and that it was written by Moffat.)

NEFERTITI: In here!

(The dinosaurs run down the corridor.)

(The DOCTOR slides and goes “whoa”.)

RIDDELL:

I could take one of them — short blow up into the throat.

DOCTOR:

Or not. We've just found dinosaurs.

In space.

We need to preserve them.

RIDDELL:

[But/And] who's going to preserve us?

RORY:

OK, so ... how? And whose ship?

DOCTOR:

Well, there's so much to discover!

Think how much wiser we'll be by the end of all this.

BRIAN:

Sorry, sorry... are you saying dinosaurs are flying a spaceship?

DOCTOR:

Brian, please! That would be ridiculous.

They're probably just passengers.

Did I mention missiles?

BRIAN (alarmed):

Missiles?

DOCTOR:

Didn't want to worry you.

Anyway, six hours is a lifetime... not literally a lifetime, that's what we're trying to avoid.

And we're all really clever!

Let's see what we can find out.

AMY:

Come on.

DOCTOR (wiping cobwebs off a console, and then wiping his hand on Brian):

Ugh!

AMY:

How many dinosaurs do you think are on here?

DOCTOR (looking at the console):

Oh, well done, whoever you are.

(Thinking aloud.) Looking for engines. (The computer displays the information.)

Thank you, computer.

Look at that, different sections have different engines ... but these look like the primary clusters.

Where are we now, computer? We need to get down to these engines...

(The DOCTOR, RORY and BRIAN teleport.)

NEFERTITI (noticing that the others have disappeared):

What happened?

AMY (noticing as well):

Oh, great!

DOCTOR (still discussing the engines):

... and find out how ...

DOCTOR (noticing he has been teleported):

What?

BRIAN:

We're outside. We're on a beach.

DOCTOR:

Teleport! Oh, I hate teleports.

Must have activated on my voice.

BRIAN:

Ah, yes, well, thank you, Arthur C. Clarke!

Teleport, obviously, I mean, we're on a spaceship, with dinosaurs, why wouldn't there be a teleport?

In fact, why don't we just teleport now?

DOCTOR (to RORY, after BRIAN has walked off):

Is he all right?

RORY:

[No,] he hates travelling. Makes him really anxious. He only goes to the paper shop and golf.

DOCTOR:

What did you bring him for?

RORY (yelling):

I didn't!

Why can't you just phone ahead like any normal person?

BRIAN:

Somebody tell me where we are, now!

DOCTOR (sticking out his tongue):

Well, it's not Earth. [It] doesn't taste right. Too metallic.

(They hear bird-like screeching.)

BRIAN:

Is that a kestrel?

DOCTOR:

I do hope so.

RORY:

The beach is humming.

DOCTOR:

Is it? Oh, yes!

Right, well, don't just stand there, you two, dig!

I'm going to look at rocks. Love a rock.

RORY:

Dig with what?

BRIAN:

Ah! Well! (He takes out a trowel.)

RORY (surprised):

Did you just have that on you?

BRIAN:

Of course! What sort of a man doesn't carry a trowel? Put it on your Christmas list.

RORY:

Dad, I'm thirty-one. I don't have a Christmas list any more.

DOCTOR:

I do!

(While digging, BRIAN hits metal under only a hand's depth of sand.)

BRIAN:

There's a floor under this beach!

RORY:

Doctor!

[cut] (We are in another room of the spaceship, listening to the RORY over a camera. An old man is lying down.)

RORY (heard over the camera):

Doctor!

SOLOMON (to himself):

Did you hear that? Did you hear what he called him? Doctor! After all this time!

(To someone offscreen.) Bring them to me.

[cut] (We see AMY, RIDDELL and NEFERTITI making their way through another part of the ship.)

RIDDELL (shining his flashlight on several broken dinosaur eggs):
There are clearly more than just

two of those creatures.

AMY (smacking the arm of RIDDELL, who is drinking):

Hey! Put that away! I need you sober.

RIDDELL:

It's medicinal. And I don't take orders from females.

NEFERTITI:

Then learn. Any man who speaks to me that way, I execute.

RIDDELL:

You're very welcome to try.

AMY (to NEFERTITI):

Sorry, what was your name again?

NEFERTITI:

Lady of the Two Lands, wife of the Great King Amenhotep, Queen Nefertiti of Egypt.

RIDDELL:

I'll be damned...

AMY:

Oh, my God! Queen Nefertiti! I learned all about you at school. You're awesome! Big fan. High-five! (She holds up her hand, but Nefertiti does not know what to do.)

Yeah, bit behind on that.

You're really famous.

RIDDELL:

Ssh! Listen.

(They notice something snorting. They look down and notice that they are standing over a small dinosaur.)

AMY:

OK. At a guess, T-Rex. Not yet full size.

(realising) We're in the middle of a dinosaur nest.

RIDDELL:

I propose a retreat.

(He moves backwards, but notices that something is coming from that direction.)

RIDDELL:

[Or] perhaps forwards.

AMY:

Agreed. Just don't wake the baby.

(RIDDELL has one foot on either side of the sleeping dinosaur's mouth, which is opening. He manages to leap clear, and laughs.)

AMY (to him):

Who are you, anyway?

RIDDELL:

John Riddell. Big game hunter on the African plains. I'm sure you've heard of me, too.

AMY:

No.

RIDDELL:

You clearly have some alarming gaps in your education.

AMY:

Or men who hunt defenceless creatures just don't impact on history. Face it, she's way cooler than you.

NEFERTITI:

Heh!

And you, Amy? Are you also a queen?

AMY (after thinking about it for a moment):

Yes. Yes, I am.

[cut] (We are back on the beach.)

DOCTOR:

See! Metal floor, screens in rocks. It was just a short-range teleport. We're still on the ship.

BRIAN:

No. We're outside, on a beach.

RORY:

No, it's part of the ship, Dad.

BRIAN:

Don't be ridiculous.

DOCTOR:

Well, it is quite ridiculous. Also brilliant. That's why the system teleported us here — I wanted the engines. This is the engine room! Hydro-generators. Ha!

BRIAN:

I have literally no idea what he's saying.

RORY:

A spaceship powered by waves.

DOCTOR:

Fabulously impossible! Oh, think of the things we could learn from this ship if we manage to stop it being blown to pieces. Plus, not dying.

Bad news is – can't shut the wave system down in time. Takes... takes way too long.

RORY:

Well, if these are the engines, there must be a control room. That's what we need to find.

DOCTOR:

Exactly. (He turns around and notices what is in the sky.) Now ... what do we do about the things that aren't kestrels?

(The others turn and notice what has been nearing them and screeching...)

BRIAN:

Oh, no.

Are those pterodactyls?

DOCTOR:

Yes. On any other occasion, I'd be thrilled. Exposed on a beach, less than thrilled. We should be going.

BRIAN:

Where?

DOCTOR:

Ah, definitely away from them!

RORY(?) (as they all run):

That's the plan?

DOCTOR:

[The plan,] amendments welcome! Move away from the pterodactyls!

RORY(?):

I think they might be noticing!

DOCTOR:

Amended plan – run!

RORY(?):

Can't we just teleport or something?

DOCTOR:

No, local teleport burnt out on arrival.

(noticing) Ah! There's an opening In the cliffs over there!

RORY (to BRIAN):

Come on!

BRIAN:

I'm trying!

(They make it into the cave.)

BRIAN (to RORY):

Are you all right?

RORY:
Yeah, I'm fine.

RORY:

What do we do now?

There's no way back out there.

DOCTOR:

Through the cave, come on.

(They hear loud thumping coming from the other end of the cave.)

DOCTOR:

That suggestion was a work in progress.

BRIAN:

We're trapped!

DOCTOR:

Yes, thanks for spelling it out.

RORY:

Doctor, whatever's down there is coming this way.

DOCTOR:

Spelling it out is hereditary, wonderful!

BRIAN:

That sound's getting nearer!

TWO LARGE ROBOTS (with agreeable voices):

We're very cross with you!

[cut] (We are with AMY et al. somewhere overgrown with weeds and cobwebs.)

AMY:

Bit of weedkiller wouldn't go amiss in here.

RIDDELL:

Whoever was running this vessel left in a hurry.

NEFERTITI:

Maybe a plague came and took them.

RIDDELL:

No, there'd be corpses and bones.

NEFERTITI:

Unless the animals ate them.

AMY:

Whoa, 'chuckle brothers', lighten up, would ya?

(She reaches a computer and turns it on.)

NEFERTITI:

How d'you know how to do that?

AMY:

I've spent enough time with the Doctor to know: whenever you enter somewhere new, press buttons.

(NEFERTITI or RIDDELL):

What else have you learned from him?

AMY:

Don't stop at button-pressing. (She places a white orb into a receptacle, or turns it like a track-ball.)

VOICE ON A VIDEO ON THE COMPUTER:

One hundred and seventeen years...

AMY (remarking on what the video is):

Data records.

RIDDELL:

Ship's owners?

AMY:

Could be. Come on, help us out...

VIDEO:

...will remain cryogenic...

(In the distance, dinosaurs snort.)

VIDEO:

...space sleep. I will continue to work...

AMY (to the computer):

How about a picture? Come on, for me!

VIDEO:

...far beyond our mapping...

NEFERTITI (seeing the lizard-man as the computer at last displays a picture):

Look! It's beautiful.

VIDEO:

I can't tell how far we have come. Far enough to avoid the destructive impact forecast for our planet. Far enough for me to feel a profound sense of loss.

RIDDELL:

What is that?

AMY:

Silurian.

ROBOT:

You're going straight on the naughty step!

BRIAN:

What's the escape plan?

DOCTOR:

Why do we want to escape?

BRIAN:

They have us hostage.

RORY (thinking like the DOCTOR):

They're taking us somewhere. We might learn from it.

DOCTOR (touching him patronisingly):

Oh, you see? So clever. I missed you, Rory!

RORY:

Don't do that.

BRIAN:

What if they kill us?

DOCTOR (to BRIAN):

They wouldn't do that!

(The DOCTOR turns to the ROBOTS.)

DOCTOR (unafraid, to the ROBOTS):

You're not going to kill us, are you, rusty?

ROBOT:

Who are you calling Rusty?

DOCTOR:

Have you seen yourself lately?

ROBOT:

You try being on this ship for two millennia, see how *your* paintwork does!

OTHER ROBOT:

Don't listen to him, he's just being mean [be]cause we captured him.

(They notice that a triceratops is approaching.)

BRIAN:

Oh, my goodness... whoa. Ooh.

DOCTOR:

Herbivore, Brian, don't panic. Triceratops. Ha! Beautiful.

ROBOT (to the other ROBOT):

Shall I shoot it?

OTHER ROBOT:

We're not supposed to shoot the creatures, stupid!

FIRST ROBOT:

Stop calling me stupid!

(The triceratops roars.)

DOCTOR:

'Rarrr' yourself! Hello, cutie pie. Who's a lovely tricy /tɹaɪ.si/ then, eh? [Yes,] you are. Yes, you are.

BRIAN (as it noses his crotch):

What do I do? What do I do? What's it doing?

DOCTOR:

You don't have any vegetable matter in your trousers, do you, Brian?

BRIAN:

Only my balls.

(Either the DOCTOR or RORY may say “I'm sorry?” at this point, but it's hard to hear.)

BRIAN:

Golf balls. Grassy residue.

(DOCTOR or RORY):

What are you carrying those around for?

(The triceratops licks him.)

BRIAN:

Ugh!

DOCTOR:

Aw, bless.

BRIAN:

Get it away from me!

DOCTOR (referring to the gold balls):

Throw one.

BRIAN:

Really?

(to the triceratops) Is this what you want? Is it? (He throws one of the golf balls.)

DOCTOR (to BRIAN):

And breathe out.

DOCTOR (turning back to the ROBOTS):

Right! Take us to your leader.

RORY:

Really?

DOCTOR:

Too good to resist.

[cut] (We are back with AMY et al.)

VIDEO:

Of the 50 species loaded, only one has had any difficulty in surviving. All the others are thriving and we expect them to be able to repopulate.

AMY:

We're on an ark. A Silurian ark.

RIDDELL:

Lizard people herding dinosaurs onto a space ark? Absolute tommyrot.

NEFERTITI:

Only an idiot denies the evidence of their own eyes.

RIDDELL:

Egyptian queen or not, I [should/shall] put you across my knee and spank you.

AMY:

Oh, Lord.

NEFERTITI:

Try and I'll snap your neck in a heartbeat.

(AMY makes a soft noise of approval.)

RIDDELL:

Mm. Well, they certainly bred firecrackers in your time...

AMY:

Aw, no, no, no. Please, don't start flirting. I will not have flirting companions!

NEFERTITI:

If the Doctor trusts Amy, so do I. Stop doubting her.

RIDDELL:

If this ship was built by...

AMY:

*Silurians.* Yeah?

RIDDELL:

Where are they?

AMY:

Surprisingly good question.

(to the computer) Display life signs for Homo reptilia.

(looking at the computer, which is displaying none) But where have they gone?

(NEFERTITI or RIDDELL):

Perhaps they found another world, left the ship...

AMY:

Well, why are the dinosaurs still on board?

And why is the ship coming back to Earth?

It doesn't make sense.

What's changed between then and now?

Wait — computer, show me the ship at launch with all life signals. (It does.)

Now show me the ship today with all life signals. (It does.)

Thousands less. But why? I mean...

Show me both images, then and now, side by side.

RIDDELL:

What are you looking for?

AMY:

OK, two images. Spot the difference. What changed? What happened to the Silurians?

NEFERTITI:

The centre.

AMY:

Computer, zoom in to the centre.

(seeing it) Oh, no.

RIDDELL:

What is it?

(The screen shows a small red spacecraft docked to the Silurian ship.)

AMY:

Another spacecraft. This ship's been boarded before.

[cut] (We are with the DOCTOR, who is by the doorway to a small room.)

DOCTOR:

Love what you've done with the place down here.

SOLOMON (from offscreen):

Let him in. Open the gate.

(The door closes behind him, shutting RORY and BRIAN out.)

DOCTOR (to RORY and BRIAN):

It's fine. It's fine.

(Piano music in playing in the room the DOCTOR is entering.)

ROBOT (to RORY):

He's not interested in *you*.

RORY:

Look, you need to learn some manners.

ROBOT:

No, *you* need to learn some manners!

RORY:

No, *you* do!

ROBOT:

No, *you* do, Mr Manners!

DOCTOR (identifying the music):

Fantasia in F Minor for four hands.

SOLOMON:

You know it?

DOCTOR:

Know it? Say hello to hands three and four!

Schubert kept tickling me to try and put me off.

Franz the Hands. Oh, that takes me back.

(looking around:) Well, this is ... cozy.

SOLOMON:

It's fate you came.

DOCTOR:

Is it? I'm the Doctor

SOLOMON:

Yes, I know.

I'm Solomon.

(The computer in SOLOMON'S ship bathes the DOCTOR in a purple light for a moment.)

DOCTOR:

What's that?

SOLOMON:

System malfunction, ignore it.

DOCTOR (noticing that SOLOMON is still lying down):

What happened to you?

SOLOMON:

I was attacked. Three raptors, they cornered me. The robots rescued me, but it was nearly too late...

DOCTOR:

Ah, yes. The robots. They're...unusual.

SOLOMON:

I got them cheap, from a concession on [Illyria/Alluria] Seven.

The robots did as best they could with my legs, but ... you can help me so much more.

DOCTOR:

Oh, a 'doctor' doctor! I see.

[Well,] let's have a look.

SOLOMON:

They chewed through part of the bone in my legs. (He gasps, pained, as the DOCTOR looks under the blanket.)

DOCTOR:

Yes, very nasty.

SOLOMON:

But you can repair them.

DOCTOR:

If you tell me how you came by so many dinosaurs.

SOLOMON (to the ROBOTS which are in the other room, about RORY and BRIAN):

Injure the older one.

DOCTOR:

What?

[cut] (In the other room, one of the ROBOTS shoots BRIAN in the arm.)

RORY:

Dad! Dad! It's all right, dad, it's OK, it's OK.

[cut] (We are back in the room with the DOCTOR.)

DOCTOR:

I don't respond well to violence, Solomon.

SOLOMON:

And I don't like questions, Doctor.

You boarded without my permission.

Now, fix me, or the next bolt will be fatal.

[cut] (RORY is addressing the ROBOT.)

RORY:

I will take you apart cog by cog and melt you down when all this is over.

ROBOT:

Oh, I'm so scared.

Actually, I might be. A little bit of oil just came out...

RORY (to BRIAN):

Stay still. It's just a burn, it's nothing serious.

BRIAN (noticing what RORY is taking out of his pocket):

What's that?

RORY:

Well, you carry a trowel, I carry a med-pack. It's all about the pockets in our family.

This is an ice patch. It cools the skin.

BRIAN:

Never seen one of those.

RORY:

I look out for cool stuff wherever we go.

You know, some people it's cars and hardware, for me it is nursing supplies.

Now, painkiller.

[Now,] this won't hurt. (RORY jabs a needle into BRIAN'S arm.)

BRIAN:

Ow!

RORY:

I lied. It won't hurt from now on, though.

All right. You're done.

BRIAN:

Thanks.

RORY:

It's all right. You get to see my awesome nursing skills in action for once.

(RORY'S phone rings.)

ROBOT:

What's that?

BRIAN:

Your phone's ringing. In space!

RORY (unfazed):

You get used to it.

I have to take this. The wife.

(on the phone:) Hello, Missus.

AMY:

Where are you?

RORY:

Still on board. Met some pterodactyls and some rusty robots that I'm going to *melt down*.

AMY:

Rory, this is a Silurian ship.

[cut] (We are back in the room with the DOCTOR.)

SOLOMON:

How did you get on board, Doctor?

DOCTOR:

Oh, I never talk about myself with a gun pointed at me.

Let's talk about you.

Your cozy little craft embedded in a vast, old ship...

SOLOMON:

Very observant.

DOCTOR:

I'm a Sagittarius.

Probably.

SOLOMON:

I'm transporting it to the Roxborne Peninsula.

DOCTOR:

Commerce colony.

You're a trader.

SOLOMON:

I search out opportunities for profit across the nine galaxies.

DOCTOR:

Ah, the purple light. That's what it was. An IV system – identify and value: the database of everything across space and time, allocated a market value. Argos for the universe. You were trying to find out how much I'm worth.

SOLOMON:

Would you like to know?

(The computer display whirs on and brings up the information. It displays “No identification found.”)

SOLOMON:

You don't exist. It's never done that.

DOCTOR:

That's me. Worthless.

Unlike these creatures you have on board. Very valuable ... given they're extinct.

(SOLOMON groans with pain, but it seems the DOCTOR is finished with the operation.)

DOCTOR:

Done, sit up.

Very slowly.

RORY (offscreen):

Doctor? Amy.

(RORY hands the DOCTOR a phone through the bars of the door.)

DOCTOR (to SOLOMON):

I need to take this.

AMY:

This is an ark, built by the Silurians. They were looking for another planet.

DOCTOR:

Where are they now?

AMY:

None on board. I mean, thousands of stasis pods — all empty.

DOCTOR:

I'll see you soon.

(The DOCTOR hands the phone back to RORY.)

DOCTOR (to RORY):

Be ready.

SOLOMON:

The pain in my legs. It's gone. I can move them. Thank you, Doctor.

DOCTOR (to SOLOMON):

What did you do to the Silurians?

SOLOMON:

We ejected them.

The robots woke them from cryo-sleep a handful at a time, and jettisoned them from the airlocks.

We must have left a trail of dust and bone.

DOCTOR:

Because you wanted the dinosaurs.

SOLOMON:

Their ship crossed my path. I sent out a distress signal. They let me board, But ... when I saw the cargo ... things became more complex.

DOCTOR:

Piracy and then genocide.

SOLOMON:

Very emotive words, Doctor.

DOCTOR:

Oh, I'm a very emotive man.

SOLOMON:

The lizards wouldn't negotiate. I made them a generous offer.

DOCTOR:

The creatures on board this ship are not objects to be sold or traded.

SOLOMON:

I feel like you're judging me.

DOCTOR:

You said Roxborne Peninsula, so why are you heading to Earth? You're on the wrong course.

(realising) Oh ... you don't know how. Ha! Brilliant. You couldn't change the pre-programmed course. Without instructions, the ship defaulted, returned home. Oh, dear... the Silurians outwitted you even after you'd massacred them. So now you're a prisoner on the ship that you hijacked.

SOLOMON:

Not now you're here. You're going to help me to where I want to go, Doctor.

DOCTOR:

Little bit of news, Solomon. You're being targeted by missiles. Get off this ship ... while you still can.

SOLOMON:

You think I believe that?

(unconvincingly trying to sound unconvinced) You just want them for yourself. You won't profit from me, Doctor.

DOCTOR:

Don't ever judge me by your standards.

(The DOCTOR leaves.)

DOCTOR (to RORY):

Well, don't just stand there, Rory!

(to the ROBOTS) [Hey,] he wants to see you.

RORY (to BRIAN):

Dad, up!

(The DOCTOR and RORY and BRIAN move away from SOLOMON'S room / docked ship, and come to a place where there is a triceratops blocking the corridor ahead.)

BRIAN:

What are we doing?

DOCTOR:

Just do exactly as I do!

RORY:

Doctor, no!

(The DOCTOR vaults onto the back of the triceratops.)

DOCTOR:

Geronimo!

[cut] (The ROBOTS approach SOLOMON.)

ROBOTS:

Did you call?

SOLOMON:

What are you doing? Stop them!

ROBOTS:

All right! Don't shout.

SOLOMON:

Useless machines!

[cut] (We are back in the corridor. The dinosaur is not moving.)

Go, Tricy! Run like the wind!

(It does not move.)

DOCTOR:

How do you start a triceratops?

ROBOT (approaching the DOCTOR et al. from behind):

There they are.

SECOND ROBOT:

I know! I saw them before you.

BRIAN (having an idea, removing a golf ball from his pocket and throwing it):

Wait a minute... Tricy, fetch!

(It runs after the ball, which is bouncing and rolling down the corridor.

As the DOCTOR, RORY and BRIAN ride the triceratops, they whoop: “Ha-ha! That a boy! Yee-ha! Come on, Tricy! Woohoo!”

FIRST ROBOT:

They've stolen a dinosaur!

SECOND ROBOT:

I can see that.

DOCTOR:

Come on, Tricy! Faster, [baby]!

(noticing that they are nearing a turn) Whoa!

FIRST ROBOT:

They're turning off, we're losing them!

SECOND ROBOT:Which way did they go?

FIRST ROBOT:

I thought you were looking!

SECOND ROBOT:

No! Now they've got away.

(FIRST or SECOND) ROBOT:

We definitely used to be faster.

BRIAN:

I'm riding a dinosaur!

On a spaceship!

(DOCTOR or RORY):

I know!

BRIAN:

I only came round to fix your light!

DOCTOR:

Come on, Tricy!

(noticing that they are nearing a wall) Where are the brakes?

(They all go “whoa” as they are thrown off the triceratops, which screeches to a halt.

The triceratops finds the ball and drops it near RORY, then leaves, contented.)

DOCTOR:

Good, that worked!

OK ... ah, Where are we now?

(noticing a computer) Ooh. Incoming message from Earth. (The DOCTOR opens communications.) Hello, Earth! How's things?

INDIRA:

Doctor, the ship's coming through the atmosphere. I have to start the missile program.

DOCTOR:

No! No, no, no — don't do that, everything's under control here, [we're] turning round any moment. [Just] need a bit of wriggle room on the timings...

INDIRA:

I can't do that.

DOCTOR:

You can! Of course you can!

Tiny bit more time, Indira, please. This ship contains the most precious cargo...

INDIRA:

My only responsibility is the Earth's safety.

I'm launching the missiles. Goodbye, Doctor.

DOCTOR:

No Indira! Hey, come back! Please!

[cut to base] (A computer intones: “Target identified. Navigation systems locking on to target. Missile launch procedure initiated. Estimated impact: 30 minutes.”)

[cut] (We are with AMY and RIDDELL, who has just found rifles.)

RIDDELL (handing AMY one):

Now these are what we need — dinosaur protection.

AMY:

No weapons!

(She looks closely at the ammunition he hands her.) Anaesthetic. These are stun guns. You're *almost* clever.

RIDDELL:

Enough to make a dinosaur take a nap.

Even the Doctor couldn't object to that.

NEFERTITI:

You and the Doctor... are you his queen?

AMY:

No, no, I'm Rory's queen. Wife! Wife, I'm his wife. Please don't tell him I said I was his queen — I'll never hear the end of it.

NEFERTITI:

And the Doctor, does he have a queen?

AMY:

I thought you had a husband.

NEFERTITI:

A male equivalent of a sleeping potion.

RIDDELL:

You clearly need a man of action and excitement. (He cocks the weapon which symbolises his cock.) One with a very large weapon. (He walks off.)

AMY:

So, human sleeping potion or walking innuendo. Take your pick.

DOCTOR (seen by AMY via camera):

That's very bad indeed. Completely unhelpful.

RORY:

Doesn't this ship have any defence systems installed?

DOCTOR:

Good thinking, Rory! (The DOCTOR kisses RORY.)

DOCTOR (to the computer):

Computer, show us weapons and defence systems.

(It says there are none)

Well, that was a waste of time, wasn't it? Getting my hopes up like that.

RORY:

What ship doesn't have weapons?

DOCTOR:

The ancient species, Rory — still full of hope.

BRIAN:

What about the control deck? You said we should go to the control deck next.

DOCTOR:

It's too late, it won't make any difference.

RORY:

We could at least try.

DOCTOR:

It won't work, Rory. The missiles are locked on.

RORY:

So, what? We're just giving up?

DOCTOR:

I don't know.

I *don't* *know*.

(The DOCTOR, RORY and BRIAN are teleport by SOLOMON to the part of the ship where SOLOMON and his ROBOTS and a triceratops are.)

SOLOMON:

You were telling the truth, Doctor. Earth has launched missiles. This vessel is too clumsy to outrun them, but I have my own ship.

DOCTOR:

You won't get your precious cargo on board, though. It'll just be you and your metal tantrum machines.

ROBOT (angrily):

We do not have tantrums!

SOLOMON (to the ROBOT):

Shut up!

SOLOMON (to the DOCTOR):

You're right, Doctor. I can't keep the dinosaurs and live myself.

But I had the IV system scan the entire ship and it found something even more valuable. Utterly unique. I don't know where you found it or how you got it here, but I want it.

DOCTOR:

I don't know what you're talking about.

SOLOMON:

Earth Queen Nefertiti of Egypt.

A face stamped across history.

Give her to me, and I'll let the rest of you live.

DOCTOR:

No.

SOLOMON:

You think I won't punish those who get in my way? Whatever [they're/their] worth?

(One of the ROBOTS shoots the triceratops. The DOCTOR kneels and comforts it, then steps back towards SOLOMON...)

DOCTOR (clapping his hands mockingly):

You must be very proud.

SOLOMON:

Bring her to me. Or the robots will make their way through your corpses. Bring her now.

DOCTOR:

No.

(NEFERTITI, AMY and RIDDELL teleport behind the DOCTOR.)

DOCTOR (to NEFERTITI, as she moves towards SOLOMON):

What are you doing?

NEFERTITI:

I demanded to be brought here.

DOCTOR:

No, no, no, no — no way.

NEFERTITI:

It isn't your choice, Doctor. It's mine.

DOCTOR (whispering to her):

Listen to me, if you go with him, I can't guarantee your safety

NEFERTITI:

You saved my people. I am in your debt.

DOCTOR:

No. No debts! You don't owe me anything.

NEFERTITI:

Then I do it of my own will.

DOCTOR:

Nefi, Nefi, Nefi...

RIDDELL (taking aim at SOLOMON):

No! Take her, I shoot you.

NEFERTITI (to RIDDELL):

Put your weapon down. Let me make my choice.

SOLOMON (as his ROBOTS aim at RIDDELL):

Do it, boy.

(RIDDELL lowers his weapon and NEFERTITI moves to SOLOMON'S side.)

SOLOMON:

My bounty increases. And what an extraordinary bounty you are. (He moves to touch her face.)

NEFERTITI (brushing his hand away):

Never touch me.

SOLOMON'S forearms are supported by walker-like canes. He swings one around and pins her, by her throat, to the wall.

SOLOMON (to NEFERTITI):

I like my possessions to have spirit. It means I can have fun breaking them. And I will break you in with immense pleasure...

SOLOMON (to the DOCTOR):

Thank you, Doctor. Computer? Take us back to my ship.

(The computer teleports SOLOMON away, then blares a warning to the DOCTOR.)

COMPUTER (as a “WARNING” light flashes):

“Hostile targeting in progress.

Hostile targeting in progress.

Hostile targeting in progress.

Hostile targeting in progress.”

(“Hostile targeting in progress.

Hostile targeting in progress.”)

DOCTOR:

Bingo.

RORY:

What is it? Doctor?

DOCTOR:

OK, Control deck.

(They teleport.)

RORY:

So, what's the plan?

DOCTOR:

Come on. The missiles are locked on to us, we can't outrun them, we have to save the dinosaurs and get Nefertiti back from Solomon ... isn't it obvious?

RORY:

It's sort of the opposite of obvious.

DOCTOR:

17 minutes before the missiles hit, we need to turn this ship around!

RORY:

You said it was too late, th... th... there wasn't any time.

DOCTOR:

(to RORY:) Ah, yes, but I didn't have this plan then, did I?

(to RIDDELL:) Riddell? Keep an eye out for dinosaurs.

RIDDELL (taking one gun and handing another to BRIAN):

I was rather hoping you'd say that.

DOCTOR (still looking into the wires and 'guts' of the controls through a hatch):

No killing any.

Rory, Brian, get rid of the cobwebs.

[cut] (We are in space, looking down on SOLOMON'S ship, which is sleek, black with red, shaped like a blackbird but with wings that are more rectangular. Its engines are shooting out blue light, but it is moving nowhere; it is still attached to the Silurian ship. We see the earth in the distance, below.)

[cut] (We see SOLOMON'S hand, and then him, with NEFERTITI standing behind her. He is fiddling with his controls, but cannot get his ship to move.)

SOLOMON:

Come on, come on... We're not moving. (Metal clangs against metal. The background music is moving towards a triumphant mood.)

He's magnetised us. We can't move away!

(RIDDELL steps cautiously out a door. He hears, then sees one dinosaur and takes aim.)

RIDDELL:

Keep walking, big chap.

(RIDDELL notices first one, then a total of three more dinosaurs.)

RIDDELL:

Hell's teeth, that's really not fair!

[cut] (We see what is occurring on the ISA base. INDIRA is standing by a screen, we are watching her, and seeing the four people who are standing in goose-like V-formation behind her.)

COMPUTER on the base:

Missile target will be reached in 11 minutes.

[cut] (The DOCTOR is examining controls, annoyed. He stands. BRIAN is watching him.)

DOCTOR:

No, don't be like that! Really unhelpful...

AMY (standing beside RORY):

What's the matter?

DOCTOR:

Parallel pilot compartments, bio-configured, needs two operators of the same gene chain.

That's why Solomon couldn't change the ship's course and neither can we. (BRIAN raises his hand.) What?

BRIAN:

We can. Me and Rory. We must be the same gene thingy you just said.

DOCTOR:

Brian Pond, you are delicious.

BRIAN:

I'm not a Pond.

DOCTOR:

Course you are. Sit down, both of you, lickety-split. (BRIAN and RORY sit in two chairs which face one another, with a total of four screens, one on each side of each chair.)

Ship does all the engineering, the controls are straightforward, even a monkey could use them — oh, look, they're going to!

(No one is amused at the joke. Silurians perceive humans as apes.)

Guys, come on, comedy gold. Where's a Silurian audience when you need one?

Anyway, two eye-line screens — velocity and trajectory.

Steer away from the Earth, try not to bump into the moon, otherwise the races who live there will be livid.

[*NOTE: amusingly, it sounds like the Doctor says “the racists who live there”]

BRIAN:

What?

(Seated in his chair, RORY turns his hands over: they had been top-up, thumbs facing him, but he turns them palm-up, thumbs facing out, in a gesture of “I don't know”.)

DOCTOR (stops pacing):

Primary controls in the arms of the chairs; principle's the same as any vehicle. Eight minutes, forty-five seconds. (He uses his sonic screwdriver to turn on the lights over each chair.) Get us as far away as you can.  

DOCTOR (his head poking back down into the control-hatch):

Right, Phase 2 sorted. Now for Phase 1.

AMY (amused):

No, no, no... Phase 2 comes after Phase 1.

DOCTOR (dismissively, as if to himself, though looking at AMY):

Humans, you're so linear.

(to AMY:) Shine a torch in here.

AMY:

What are you doing?

DOCTOR:

Mixing my messages. (He sticks his arm into the hatch and pulls out some wires.) How's the job?

AMY:

We're about to be hit by missiles and you're asking me that?

DOCTOR:

I work best when I'm multi-tasking. Keep talking. How's the job?

AMY:

I ... gave it up.

DOCTOR:

You gave the last one up.

AMY (defensively):

Yeah, well I can't settle. Every minute, I'm listening out for that stupid TARDIS sound...

DOCTOR:

Right, so it's my fault, is it?

AMY (looking at him):

I can't not wait for you. Even now.
(her face softens, she sounds perhaps concerned) And they're getting longer, the gaps between your visits.

DOCTOR (almost inaudibly, as he looks up at her):

Are they?

AMY:

I think you're weaning us off you.

DOCTOR (looking down into the controls):

I'm not, I promise.

(he looks up at her) Really promise.

The others, they're not you. But you and Rory, you have lives. Each other. I thought that's what we agreed.

AMY:

I know. I just worry there'll come a time when you never turn up ... that something will have happened to you and I'll still be waiting, never knowing.

DOCTOR:

No! Come on, Pond. (He kisses her on the forehead. She smiles.) You'll be there till the end of me.

AMY (she rolls her eyes in a gesture of “heh”, perhaps the visual equivalent of the nervous laugh one laughs when attempting to make light of something serious):

Or vice versa.

(The DOCTOR looks alarmed by this thought. They look each other in the eye.)

DOCTOR (as his screwdriver makes a noise):

Done.

RIDDELL (returning to the cockpit):

Doctor? This is a two-man job.

(AMY picks up a gun.)

RIDDELL (to AMY):

What are you doing?

AMY (explaining, as if it should be obvious):

I'm *easily* worth two men...?

You can help, too, if you like.

DOCTOR (extracting something tennis-ball-sized from the central console of the ship):

A-ha!

AMY:

Doctor, what are you gonna do...?

(AMY is cut off when the DOCTOR teleports away. Her mouth goes flat in displeasure, but she turns and heads out the door RIDDELL left through.

BRIAN and RORY press the screens which are off to their sides at eye level, and which swivel to rest in front of them.

[cut] AMY is standing with RIDDELL.)

RIDDELL:

Quickens the blood, doesn't it?

AMY:

The sooner this lot go back to being extinct, the better.

RIDDELL:

You know what I want more than anything?

AMY:

Lessons in gender politics?

RIDDELL:

A dinosaur tooth to take home.

(RIDDELL thinks about his situation.) Dinosaurs ahead, lady at my side, about to be blown up. Not sure I've ever been [happier/headier].

AMY:

Shut up and shoot.

RIDDELL (to AMY):

Duck!

(RIDDEL shoots over her.

[cut] We are back in the bridge / cockpit.)

BRIAN:

I'm... I'm flying a spaceship. Rory! We're flying a spaceship!

RORY:

I know!

BRIAN:

Ha-ha!

[cut] (We see the spaceship turning away from Earth.

[cut] We are in the base.)  

SOLDIER:

The ship's trajectory is changing...

INDIRA:

It makes no difference. The missiles have locked on. How long till target?

SOLDIER:

Seven minutes.

[cut] (We are in the cockpit.)

BRIAN:

Yeah! Go! That's it, that's it! That's it, that's it! Me, me, me, me! Yes, yes!

It's better than golf.

[cut] (The DOCTOR teleports into the back of SOLOMON'S ship.)

DOCTOR:

Hello! Having trouble leaving?

(The DOCTOR uses his sonic screwdriver on the two robots.

The deactivate, singing “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer” as they do.)

DOCTOR:

Ship's still magnetised. Couldn't bear to lose you.

SOLOMON (pointing something at NEFERTITI'S throat):

Release my ship, Doctor, or I kill this precious little object.

(NEFERTITI kicks one of his canes out from under him, knocking him off his feet. She deftly grabs it and holds it into his throat as he lies on the floor.)

NEFERTITI:

I am not your possession now, nor will I ever be. Now stay there.

DOCTOR:

Don't mess with Egyptian queens, Solomon. I hope you've learnt that now.

SOLOMON (as the DOCTOR messes with the controls of SOLOMON'S ship)

What are you doing?

DOCTOR:

Disabling this ship's signal and replacing it with the one from the Silurian ship. I send this craft off emitting the signal they're looking for, the missiles will follow.

Hopefully [it'll be]: Silurian ship safe, dinosaurs safe, everybody safe.

Bit tight for time though, shouldn't really be chatting. Nefi, let's go. How remiss of me, almost forgot — the thing about missiles, [they're] very literal; *this* is what they latch on to. (The DOCTOR sets a glowing green stone on SOLOMON'S table.) Now, one press of this (he holds up his screwdriver) and the ship's demagnetised.

SOLOMON:

Doctor, whatever you want, I can get it for you... whatever object you desire.

DOCTOR:

Did the Silurians beg you to stop?

(seeing the missiles) Look, Solomon. The missiles. See them shine. See how valuable they are. And they're all yours.

SOLOMON:

You wouldn't leave me, Doctor...

DOCTOR:

Enjoy your bounty.

SOLOMON (screaming):

Doctor!

[cut] (We see another shot of SOLOMON'S ship docked to the Silurian ship, with Earth in the distance. SOLOMON'S ship shoots off away from the Silurian ship. We see the missiles head for it.)

SOLOMON (screaming; we cut between his face and the missiles closing on his ship):
Doctor!

(The missiles reach his ship and explode. There is no trace of it when the explosion clears.

[cut] RIDDELL cocks his weapon. He is standing beside AMY amid wreathing dinosaurs.

[cut] The ship is spinning in space.

[cut] The Doctor is waltzing through the corridor back to his ship, with the others following.)

DOCTOR:

So, dinosaur drop-off time.

RORY:

Actually, we think home for us.

DOCTOR (as his happy expression turns to one of disappointment):

Oh. Fine. Of course.

AMY:

Not forever. Just a couple of months.

DOCTOR:

Right, yes, I'm pretty busy anyway. I mean, I've got to drop everyone back

BRIAN:

About that. Can I ask a favour? There's something I want to see.

[cut] (We see the Earth, far below us.

We see BRIAN sipping coffee.

We see that he is sitting on the TARDIS' threshold, feet dangling into space.

He is eating a bagel. AMY and RORY come up behind him, standing in the doorway. The DOCTOR comes up behind them.)
(*NOTE: it appears the Tenth Doctor's TARDIS was used for these shots.)



[cut] (We are on the African plains. RIDDELL is looking up at the sky. NEFERTITI comes out of his tent, wearing different clothes, and cocks a weapon, and the two smile at each other.

[cut] RORY blows on a light fixture in the Pond house. He is on a ladder. He is wearing a darker blue overshirt over a lighter blue shirt.

Below him, AMY enters with a stack of mail. She is wearing a yellow shirt and blue jeans.)

AMY:

*More* postcards from your dad.

RORY (about the light):

Do you know what? I think it is the fitting.

(Amy pins another postcard to a wall of postcards.

One postcard shows the TARDIS and two dinosaurs and is captioned “Siluria”.)

Keywords: S7E2 S7E02 7.2 7x2 7.02 7x02. Doctor Who Series 7 Episode 2 transcript. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship transcript, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship script, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship closed captioning, quotations, dialogue, Doctor Who transcript. Eleventh Doctor, Amy Pond, Rory Williams, Brian Williams, Nefertiti, John Riddell; Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, Arthur Darvill, Mark Williams, Riann Steele, Rupert Graves. Steven Moffat.